House hunting...

We've been toying with the idea of moving. Audra contacted a realtor who asked us what our wants and needs were. I discovered that needs and wants, until now lumped into one category, are really different, if not equally important.

Needs:

1. Roof
2. Light switches- The kind that turn the lights on AND off.
3. Floors- Not ones that turn to mud in the rain
4. Toilet
5. Second toilet
6. Kitchen, I guess

Wants:

1. 2 car garage
2. Workout/Music/Creative Writing room. In case I get good at any of these.
3. Rich untapped oil/natural gas/diamond reserves on the property. I'd be happy to provide the means of extraction
4. Dingos lurking at the perimeter of the lot.
5. A dog running at the inside perimeter, barking at the dingos. How else will I be alerted to the dingos?
6. A dingo alarm if they exist.
7. A lonely divorcee next door. One of those good looking ones, too. Preferably one who thinks that, compared to her ex, I'm hot.
8. Some way to control the weather to match my moods. That way neighbors know when it's ok to call.
9. Mosquitos and flies. I can't get enough of those.
10. A screened in porch in case I finally get enough of those.
11. Kids. Screaming kids of all ages... and a high powered pellet gun with a scope.
12. A hidden room to use the above. No need to go to jail if I don't have to.
13. A retractable roof so I can launch any dirigibles that I might build. That would probably come in handy anyway. So yes, a retractable roof.
14. Trap doors. Oh my god, would I love trap doors! I think I might even mark them with an X. People would totally stand on those. I mean who would have a trap door with an X on it? Me! That's who.