Etiquette for men in a public bathroom.

Men, here's how to act in a public bathroom. In case you haven't figured it out, nobody wants to talk to you when they're taking a leak. I'll take you step by step to help you avoid being "That guy".

1. When entering a men's room, you can talk to your buddy right up until you get through the door. After that, all communication must come to an abrupt stop. End it...right then. DO NOT follow your friend to the urinal to finish the conversation. It's weird and the guy next at the urinal next to your friend won't like it. He and your friend will probably get stage fright.
2. When standing at the ready, you are allowed to unzip your fly and undo your belt and open the front of your pants. DO NOT drop your pants! The back of your pants should look like they're still zipped. Why? Nobody wants to see it.
3. Look down or up. That's it. Don't look side to side. With any luck, they'll have either a TV or a newpaper page. Don't read the other guys page. You'll be accused of being gay. Harsh, I know, but that's the way it is.
4. DO NOT speak to your neighbor, no matter if you know him or not.
5. Please don't overshake. It makes us uncomforable. Above all, don't lean or step back to shake. Incidental eye contact down there has caused a lot of trauma in the past.
6. Make your way to the sink. Only then can conversation begin again. You've reached the safe zone. Enjoy it. Revel in it.

Following these simples steps can help you avoid unwanted ass-kickings.