Since I've killed everything I've ever planted in my front yard, I've come up with a new plan.

It involves reverse psychology. I'm planting some new plants and I'm going to treat them like weeds. It seems cruel, but what do I have to lose? Plants? I mean, it seems to work perfectly well on children.

I'll just walk around the yard, mumbling things like "Boy, I sure do hope that those things don't grow. That would ruin everything! They're probably too dumb to grow anyway. Yep, you stupid plants can't even grow right. Probably don't even know what photosynthesis is."

By then I'm sure I wont be able to hold it in, so I'll just run away to start giggling, maybe hide behind a tree, reveling in my superior intellect over the plant world.

So, to review my plan of berating the plants to get them to grow.

Juvenile? Yes.
Will it work? Probably not.
Will that stop me from doing it? Definitely not.