Not that we need it, but I'm thinking of writing a guide for men. I've been tossing around an outline of chapters and subjects.

Food

• Cool Whip as a Meal
• Milk! Breaking the expiration date barrier.
• Can Chef Boyardee cause sterility? A risk I’m willing to take.
• What is that white stuff?
• Beer space in the fridge. Is there an acceptable balance?

House Related

• Cleaning your house vs. buying a new one…a cost analysis.
• Should your girlfriend have a key? Probably not. Here’s why…
• The Swifter is my new friend.
• Odors. How to eliminate them and when to ignore them.
• Your toilet seat and you. Up, down? Who cares? Either way, you’re peeing.
  

Laundry

• Wearing the same pants. How many days in a row is too many?
• Socks and why they need not match.
• Tighty whiteys vs. boxers. A long-term road test.
• The myth that is clean underwear.

Women

• Will she check your email if left alone? Why chance it. How to set a password.
• She doesn't understand your porn collection. Women for some reason do not understand our need to look at porn. They think it’s much more deeply rooted than it is. Ladies, simply put, it’s pictures of people having sex. Enough said.
• Leaving incriminating things around as a joke for her to find. Why doesn't SHE think it's funny?
• Your caller ID WILL get you in trouble. Clear it immediately.

Pets…What’s cool and what’s not.

• To me, cat’s are cool. To others, cats belong with old ladies. Dogs are more complicated, however. Should you get a big German Shepherd or a Pit Bull? Some would say you’re compensating for something. However, if you get a toy poodle or a Shi-Tzu to prove that you’re secure in your manhood, you’re opening yourself up to a lot of laughing and finger pointing. Don’t even think about gerbils. Ask Richard Gere. Go get a fish tank.